Farewell to my Mother - Written in 2012

Farewell to my Mother

Written a month after my mother passed away in April 2012.

My mother, Mary Susan Jayawardane passed away recently on 29^th April 2012 in her own home in Dalugama, Sri Lanka.  She was 78 years old.  Her death was peaceful, in her sleep and was unexpected by all of her three children, my sister and younger brother and I, her eldest son.  My brother and I were disbursed in two opposite corners of this world.  I was in Sydney, Australia, my brother was in Winnipeg, Canada.  My sister who lives in Sri Lanka, was not too far away had fortunately paid her a regular visit on the morning on that day. 

My mother’s death has allowed me to reflect on my relationship with her.  I realised that I only spent some 16 years of my life with her.  I left Sri Lanka at the age of 21 to go to Dubai leaving my father and mother.  Up to age 21, I was not home for 5 years between 12 to 16 years.  I was in a novitiate, a formative boarding school, for young boys who aspire to become Christian brothers.


I recall that my mother not only took care of her family, but she also extended her home to my father's mother, her own elder brother, her younger sister, her mother who was brought in regularly from a mental asylum, her paternal aunt and her husband.  Taking care of her own mother was challenging due to her mother's condition. At one time we had three grandmothers and a grand-uncle in our home.  However, despite that all that, our home was always filled with chatter and a sense of our heritage in this extended family during our childhood.  Our childhood was filled with pride in our heritage and that inspired me to my destiny in subsequent years.

My mother was beautiful by nature, tall and fair.  She never used any makeup.  She tied her long black hair very elegantly.  Her uncut hair when untied was long up to her knees.  As a young boy, I could not understand why people on the street, would stare at my mother or turn to look at her again. 

I also recall with my first ever pay, at age 18, I bought her a saree as a gift.  I had to pay nearly three quarters my first pay to get her saree.  She cherished this saree forever and it was in her possession till the day she died.

From age 18 up to age 21, my relationship with my mother was a difficult one, my mother found that her eldest son was too outgoing for her liking.  I was often not at home and spent too much time out on the road.  As a young kid, I dreamt that I would leave Sri Lanka and explore the world when I grow up.  Fate would ensure that dream would true sooner than I thought.  At age 21, when I got an unexpected opportunity to go to Dubai, where I had to leave within a short 10 days, I would have certainly surprised my mother and father.  

At that time, going overseas was a privileged and rare event.  There would be no frequent phone calls, no Skype, no internet or SMS messages.  So the parting would be felt much deeper, unlike today when the world has become such a small place due to cheap flights and accessible technologies.  At no time, did they both discourage me from leaving them.  

I distinctly recall my mother, on the night before my flight, coming to my bedside and pouring her anguish of letting go of her eldest son, in her sorrow in tears, touching my head, recalling the events of my childhood and how she would miss her eldest child.  I determined that from that day, that I would somehow give my mother and father only joy.  No more rebellion from her gutsy son.

I left for Dubai, matured very quickly having had to look after myself, became responsible, succeeded in my career in international banking specialising in technology. I ensured that my parents had everything they needed to live in comfort in their own space.  My sister got married and my kid brother graduated.  I got married and had four children and some times later, left Dubai and settled in one of the best first world countries, Australia. My brother settled in Canada, married and had two children and my sister who remained in Sri Lanka had four children and her two boys have since settled in Australia.

I never returned to Sri Lanka except for short holidays, earlier as a young son, later on as a married son with many kids in tow and finally after my kids had grown up, as a mature son to look after their well being.

Some 25 years later since I left home, in 2002, my father passed away in Sri Lanka. His death was sudden and my mother after a short period of mourning confidently took charge of her life and carried on taking care of our family properties, rentals, finances and other matters.  She was a widow for nearly 10 years.  Since my father’s death, I wanted to ensure my mother's well being without her anchor (my dad) and I travelled to Sri Lanka almost annually to spend time with her and provide her assurance. 

My mother did not like too much interference in her life even from her children.  She refused to have live-in help or maids, instead of relying on helpers to do daily duties.  She was a determined woman and ran the family affairs diligently.

During her later years, she depended on my sister, the university students who would rent our second house in the same property, the domestic helpers, gardeners and more importantly our neighbours.  She felt safe in her home and neighbourhood.  She would attend church, talk to the neighbours albeit briefly.  She also had a close network of relatives both from her side of the family and my father’s side.  We have a large number of relatives who are not in the same league as us on both sides of the family and my mother never made a distinction of that difference throughout her life, just as my father did.

Many of those people who were close to my mother attended my mother's funeral.  Also attending the funeral and subsequent ceremony of almsgiving were few destitute people who my mother helped in her local charity work.  

I decided to photograph the participants at her funeral as a tribute to her.  My children are Australian, and my brother's children are Canadians, thus many aspects of the Sri Lankan life, culture and community bondings require special explanation and this photo documentary blog would serve as a connection between the two main cultures, Western and Sri Lankan in our lives.   I recorded the funeral by capturing the images of participants and a narrative as I understood their relationship to my mother and me.  I also took photographs of the residents of homes of the aged to where my mother had been visiting and making regular charity donations for their upkeep. 

These portraits demonstrate how inter-related we are to each other in our union in humanity and the portraits consist of relatives, friends, neighbours, destitute people who came for a meal and the residents of the poor old people's home where we made cash donations for their upkeep in memory of our mother. 

Enjoy my mother’s humanity below:-

This is my only maternal uncle, John Christie Jayawardane, elder brother to my mother.  He is now 81 years old.  He lives in my grandfather’s ancestral home.  He was schooled and boarded in St Benedict’s College and St. Joseph’s College.  In his prime, he was very handsome, tall and fair.  With his background, he could have easily progressed in a thriving career in Colombo as his contemporaries did.  Instead, he chose to teach in remote Sinhala villages and stayed away from his hometown for most of his working life.   He was attached to Buddhism,  got married late at 52 years,  one year before I got married.  His children (three boys) are around my children’s age although they are my first cousins.  His youngest is 20 years old.  The three boys follow Buddhism.

This is Godwin Perera.  He is related to my father.  His wife, Margaret De Saram was my aunt (cousin of my father).   I recall him coming to my father and mother often seeking solace after engaging in family disputes with his wife’s brother.  He was a determined strong labour oriented union member.  His job involved working in a leading newspaper publishing house in Colombo.  There was an industrial strike in the early 70’s and I recall him being out of work and with little money for almost a year participating in the strike. He sternly resisted the temptation of going back to work although he and his family were starving.  His wife Margaret Saram was a kind soul to everyone.  In a more recent past, Uncle Godwin had frequently visited my mother whenever he came to Colombo. He came to my mother’s funeral and seemed slightly despaired about his fate as a widower and financial situation.

This is Basil Perera.  He lived in our lane Mudiyansegewatta as long as I can recall.  I remember him as a young man.  He was quite involved in church activities and assisted in the funeral arrangements of my mother.

This is Marie Jayasinghe, or Marie Akka as we called her as kids, the eldest and only daughter of my father’s elder brother.  She lives in Dalugama with her husband Percy and son’s family in my grandmother’s ancestral land (now sub-divided).  I recall playing with her as a young kid when we lived next door to my father's brother's house until I was four years old.  She had five younger brothers two of whom are already deceased.  Marie would have been about 3 years when my mother married her uncle, my father.

This is Juliet De Saram, my father’s first cousin and my godmother.  They hail from my grandmother’s hometown, Handapangala in Giriulla and they continue to live in their ancestral hometown.  Her father was the middle younger brother to my paternal grandmother, Barbara De Saram.  Juliet was close to my father and that’s probably the reason why she was selected as my godmother.  I was also the page boy for her wedding in 1958.  Later on, she ceased to be my godmother as she married a Buddhist and converted to Buddhism.  We used to keep in touch and used to visit them regularly.  Her father and mother (my grand uncle and aunty) used to visit us regularly once a month at our place in Dalugama and often stayed for a couple of nights.  In my teen years, I became friendly with her eldest son, Aruna.  I recall staying at their ancestral home in the ’70s and bathing in their garden well.  Aruna accompanied me on visits to the wider village.  I recall a trip to Talawakelle where both families stayed at my uncle, Arthur J De Saram’s rest house.  Aruna and I travelled in the same compartment on the train and had lots of fun.  Unfortunately, about five years ago, Aruna had an industrial accident and is now bound to a wheel-chair. 

This is Sheila   She was the backup domestic backup helper that my mother depended on recently.   When the regular helper Soma, went away for vacation, Sheila would gladly come and carry out the regular duties that Soma carried out.  She can cook well.  She also takes care of her eldest grandson, named Pathum.  Pathum's portrait and the story are also included in this blog.

This is Seetha, my maternal uncle’s (John Christie Jayawardane’s) wife.  She lives with him at Eldeniya Kadawatha.   She is a Buddhist and my uncle too have converted to Buddhism.

This is a woman who came for the alms-giving ceremony on the 7th day of my mother's death.   Their poverty is overwhelming and having a meal is a real struggle for people like this.  I sat with each one of these destitute people and enquired about them.  Many of them had known my mother and my mother had helped them regularly with meals and money. The name of this person is unknown.

This is another destitute woman who came for the alms-giving ceremony.  She had a number of wounds in her leg which required immediate treatment.  She too had known my mother.

This is Linton Egodwatta, my neighbour.  Linton and I are around the same age but is about two years younger.  However, we have been mates from the time he was about two years of age.  Linton as his parents did, live next door to our house.  We played as youngers together, playing cricket, football, marbles and all of the local games Sri Lankan boys play.  His father, William was a good friend of my father.  Linton used to call my mother Susan Akka.  Particularly recently he kept a constant watch over my mother to ensure her safety.  Linton has always been around us, like family.  We trust each other.  Linton and his father have always been with our family in hard and good times.  Linton was with me when my father died.

This is Wilson Rodrigo. He has known my father from a very young age. He hails from  Nungamugoda, Dalugama Kelaniya.Wilson Rodrigo wrote short stories, poems in Sinhala in many Sri Lankan papers in his prime. He married my father’s first cousin, Neeta De Saram in 1964. They live a very simple life in a basic house but very content in life. The house has a story for him as he was born in this house too and his parents lived in this house before him and with him until they passed away. He is a man of principle and converses diligently.

This is Neeta Rodrigo (nee De Saram), my father’s first cousin.  She was very fond of my father and I can recall her speaking to my father as her small big brother, as Punchi away.  She is married to Wilson Rodrigo.  They did not have any children of their own but busied themselves with church work. Neeta was very pretty in her younger days.  Wilson and Neeta used to visit my mother once a week in their heyday and more recently as they got older, once a month.

This is my favourite Aunty, Mary Catherine Liyanage, nee Jayawardane, my mother's younger sister.  She was very pretty in her younger days.  In the early 60's I was the only son in my mother's family, and my aunty would call me Putha (son) from then.  Even now, her own sons are called by their name but I am called Putha.  It is a privilege to be called her Son. She loved me dearly as a young kid.  Aunty used to visit us regularly at Dalugama and often would take me to her place and to be with my maternal grandfather.  When he passed away, Aunty came to live with us.  She took me to school as my mother was busy with my then newborn sister.  Her love was unconditional.   Once married, she adopted a number of other children and showered them with love.  God has blessed her back with kindness and her own children are doing very well. She continues to live an uncomplicated simple life.   I love her very much and visit her on the same day I arrive each time in Sri Lanka. I cannot but recall how I schemed at 14 years of age to sneak out of home without the knowledge of my mother and visit her at her home which was some 80 miles from my home.  I would regularly write to her as a kid and she has lovingly kept some of those letters and postcards with her up to date.

This is Sunil Jayasinghe, my paternal first cousin.  He and I are of the same age.  His father,  Heginus Jayasinghe was my father's elder brother.  We grew up in adjoining homes in Dalugama until we both were four years old.  Then my mother decided that we needed a quieter place and we moved to my mother's ancestral property at Mudiyansegewatta.  Among my cousins from my father's side, I was closest to him.  I recall at year 7, after finding out that Sunil was lagging behind in Mathematics, that I tutored him to improve his skills often staying back in school with him.  Our friendship has lasted and we regularly keep in touch when we can.  Sunil lives in Polgahawela in Sri Lanka. 

This is Lucas Jayawardane, first cousin to my mother.  His father and my mother's father were brothers. My grandfather became a scholar and school principal while Lucas father, Simeon remained a farmer.  Lucas ran a small shop in Eldeniya, my mother's ancestral hometown.  My mother always kept in touch with Lucas.  I recall Lucas had four younger brothers, Publis, Joseph, Michael, Francis and a sister.  When our ancestral home in Mudiyansegewatta was renovated and expanded in 1962, the Jayawardane boys came to do all of the construction work. At Eldeniya church feast, my father and mother would take their children to Lucas's ancestral home (my great grand uncle's original home). I also recall that during Dalugama church feast, Lucas's mother who was always cheerful and happy, would come to our home a few days early and take total care of the kitchen.  She did the same during my wedding and took care of our kitchen duties completely in 1983.  

This is Patrick Leo Perera from Dalugama.  He is a kind-hearted soul.  He lives a simple life and used to come over to our land and pick coconut fruits and other wood materials from our property with my mother's permission.  He donated Rs 1000 and sent bananas to my place during the funeral.  This is a very generous contribution given his financial situation.  From the conversations with him, I gathered that my mother had been quite generous with him and he wanted to repay it back in a small way at our time of sorrow.

This is Sanjay Jayawardane, my material first cousin, eldest son of my mother's elder brother.  He is married and has two kids and Sanjay is about 28 years of age, two years elder than my own eldest daughter.  He is a shop-keeper having decided to run the business out of the shop properties that my uncle inherited from my grandfather.   In his younger days, he occasionally stayed at my mother's place as her home was ideal for studies with little noise.

This a poor, down-trodden man who came for the alms-giving.  

A poor, grandmother with little to eat, came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.

Another poor, destitute mother who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal and to take some food for her children who would be starving otherwise.

Another poor, destitute mother who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.

Another poor, destitute mother came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.

Another poor, destitute mother who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal

Another poor, destitute grandmother came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.  At the end of the meal, she would collect the remaining and ask for more for her grandchildren.

A poor, destitute grandfather who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.  

A poor, destitute grandfather who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.  His mouth is full of chewed Betel leaves, that's the reason for the expression.  I recall him on the funeral day as well.  He said that he knew my mother.

Another poor, destitute man who came by for the alms-giving to have a full meal.

This is Rusira Jayawardane, my twenty-year-old first cousin, youngest son of my mother's elder brother.  Though he calls me away, (elder brother) he is younger than three of my own children.  He is attempting to study and get into a career in Sri Lanka.  I have been encouraging him to study to better himself.  He was a regular visitor to my mother's place during and after the funeral.  Rusira helped me to clear up my mother's house after the funeral.

This is Jeramius mama, my mother's first cousin.  He was not as blessed as my mother in his beginning. His father, Francis, was a younger brother to my mother's father. Francis's trade was riding a bullock cart (cart with a bull) to the city plying goods.  One day, he had fallen in his sleep on to the road, and his own bullock cart went over his neck and died.  Since then Jeramius and his siblings became orphans.  His mother, Barbara could not afford to feed them.  My grandfather, Lewis Jayawardane then brought young Jeramius and his younger sister, Mary Jayawardane home and looked after them. My grandfather could not afford the same education and opportunities as he had afforded to his kids.  Jeramius had looked after my mother and her younger sister very well in his young days, cooking for them etc.  (My mother's mother was in a mental asylum).  Jeramius was always part of our family.  If we extend our house, require a wall to be built, a fence to be erected, he would come.  All that my mother had to do was to ask him.  As late as last year (2011), he had rebuilt a garden wall at home at my mother's request.  My grandfather's wish was to allocate a property to him on his last will and this wish was honoured by my mother and her siblings.  He now lives in a simple home in Eldeniya and is still active in his farming and trade activities.  He is in his eighties

This is ???? husband of Rani akka who is my neighbour.  I recall him as a young man marrying Rani akka.  He was very helpful during my mother's funeral, virtually taking care of the church and burial site preparation activities in our family burial site at Dalugama.

This is Lawrence Lihikadugamage, husband of Marie akka who is my neighbour.  I recall him as a young man marrying Maree akka.  He attended the funeral and the alms-giving ceremonies.

This is Anton ayya who lives on an adjacent property to my mother's house.  His father and my maternal grandmother are cousins.  I recall as a young boy, accompanied by my paternal grandmother, going to the paddy field adjoining his property and picking leaves so that my grandmother can weave a 'padura' a sleeping mat. Anton's garden was big and we used to cut small leave bamboo trees from their garden to serve as Christmas trees when we were young.

This is Clive Shelton Perera who married my grand aunt, Marie's youngest daughter, Nimmi.  I have known him even prior to his wedding.  

This is Nipun Yezitha, my first cousin, Chrisanthie's, my mother's younger sister's daughter eldest son.   He has always been part of our family from his young days.  He used to address my own father as seeya (papa).  My father after his formal retirement worked St. Joseph's college where Nipun studied. I recall Nipun giving an oration at my father's funeral at 10 years old as his death touched Nipun hard.

This is Thisum Liyanage, my first cousin, Emil's, my mother's younger sister's son's eldest son.  He has always been part of our family from his young days.  He is as cheerful as his father, Emil.  He displays a lot of confidence and was helpful around the house during my mother's funeral.  He stayed up some nights and played a few games of carrom with me staying up.

This is Maheema, my first cousin, Chrisanthie's, my mother's younger sister's daughter younger son.   He has always been part of our family from his young days. 

Not sure who this is?   Need to ask Kithsiri

This is Nival Liyanage, my first cousin, Emil's, my mother's younger sister's son's eldest son.  He has always been part of our family from his young days.  He is quiet compared to his elder brother and is charming.

This is Nimmi akka, youngest daughter of Peter Perera (a cousin of my maternal grandmother).  She has been a regular visitor to our place.

Not sure of this person

This is the wife of Rienzie Thumbavila.  Rienzie and I were close friends, in my young days growing up in Dalugama.  I recall going with Rienzie to Ragama to see her during his courting days in the early seventies.  She is a member of the Army of Mother Mary and came to the funeral for the church services.

This is Latha nee Uduwavidana.  I knew Latha as a young girl, she was the younger sister of my friends and brothers, Edward and Cyril Uduwavidana.  Latha is a member of the Army of Mother Mary and came to the funeral for the church services.

Not sure who this is?   Ask Kithsiri.  I think this is a friend of my mother.

Not sure who this is?   Ask Kithsiri.I think this is a friend of my mother.

I think this is a friend of my mother.

This is Jagath Jayawardane, my twenty six-year-old first cousin, second son of my mother's elder brother.  Though he calls me ayya, (elder brother) he is probably year older than my eldest, Natasha.  He is employed at a computer assembly plant. 

This is Saparamadu.  They lived in Mudiyansegewatta and she and her husband were friends with my parents.  I recall them and their children, during my early days in Dalugama.  I went to school with her younger brother whom I have not seen for ages.

This is Marie akka, my neighbour.  She was and is always cheerful.  She was a frequent visitor to our place and helped during and after the funeral.  I recall her from my very young days.

This is Rani akka, my neighbour.  She was and is always cheerful.  She was a frequent visitor to our place and helped during and after the funeral.  She is the elder sister of Marie above.  I recall her from my very young days.

This is Kithsiri Liyanage, my first cousin, youngest son of my favourite maternal aunt and my favourite cousin.  I am about 15 years elder than Kithsiri.  When I met aunty at age 14 after a lapse of 7 years, Kithsiri was about 1 year old and was clinging to his mother.  That sight will always be in my head.  From that day, I felt a closer bonding with my little cousin and it has lasted time everlasting.  Kithsiri is one I can confide in.  He used to attend to my mother's matters and was helpful to my mother.  My mother trusted him as a son. Kithsiri is gentle and has a ton of patience with everyone.

This is Kithsiri's (my cousin) younger daughter, Divyah Liyanage.  She is my mother's grand-niece.

She lives on an adjacent property to my mother's house.  Her father and my maternal grandmother are cousins.  

Michael Mama (uncle) is my neighbour: He is 75 years old and retired only a year ago after working in the same employer (55 odd years) at Abdul Gafoor and Co in Pettah; as a young kid, I used to go to his shop to buy stuff for our home on my mother's instructions.  Michael mama lives in his father's ancestral home which is some 100 years old and is still maintained well.  Michael mama is related to us going back to about 4 to 5 generations and this I learnt in July 2012.

This is Bertha Aunty, Michael mama's wife.  She is a kind woman...

This is Emil, my first cousin, the elder son of my favourite maternal aunt.  He is street smart and is very practical.  I enjoy chatting with him and see him every time I visit Sri Lanka.  He regularly visited my mother in her later years to ensure her well being.

To complete the portfolio, someone suggested that my portrait to be included in this narrative.  So here I am so that the timeline of the events is complete.

This is Jude Denzil Pathiraja, a journalist for the Island and Divaina newspapers.  He is also a good photographer.  His grandfather and my mother's mother were cousins.  His sister married my paternal first cousin, Sanath Jayasinghe.  I recall attending his parents' wedding when I was about 5 years old.  I have known my namesake from childhood and I regularly visit his place when I can.  He with his mother and father lives adjacent to our home.

This is Shirani.  Her maternal grandfather and my mother's mother were first cousins.  I recall her grandfather and grandmother very well.  (John Seeya and Rosa Nanda).  I used to play with her younger brother as a kid.  Her husband Wijaya was extremely helpful in the funeral logistics of my mother.  His society donated tents, chairs etc for the funeral.

Aunty Pearly Tissera, daughter of Peduru seeya.  She and her husband were good friends of my mother and father.  Her son, Rohan and I were in St. Benedict's College together.   She was a regular visitor to my mother's home, particularly in her later years.  Her husband worked for then Air Ceylon and have helped me to get air tickets on domestic flights in Sri Lanka in my young days

This is my second cousin, Annesley Prasanjith.  His mother and my maternal grandmother were cousins.  His father Leo and mother, Rosalyn were very loving to me and my siblings in our younger days.  They lived in the same lane as us.  Often, after school, Uni and subsequently after work, I used to drop in at their place.  I recall that upon my urging, Annesley at 16 years drove me to see relatives although he did not have a driving licence.  This was the first time, he drove out of his father's car on his own.  Annesley's mother was a cheerful and generous woman, would feed us with her latest food, either cakes, cutlets, pastries.  Annesley and his siblings used to come to our place regularly to play.  Annesley has been a tremendous help to my mother, particularly lately.  Annesley is immensely trusted by us and my mother.  My mother would often give him her ATM card and get him to withdraw cash for her expenses.  In recent years, he rented one of our properties for business. 

This is my brother's wife's aunt who came to the funeral and almsgiving.  She has been an occasional visitor to my mother's place.

This is Duminda Welikanna my, brother's brother in law.  He is part of our mother's extended family.  He would occasionally visit home to enquire about my mother's well being.  He too attended the funeral and the almsgiving, despite his wife giving birth to his firstborn child around the same time.

This is Champa Gunawardane, my neighbour Linton's wife.  She used to keep a constant eye on my mother and our property.  I kept in touch with Linton and Champa regularly to ensure my mother's well being.

This is Felix Amerasinghe, (Felix ayya) as we all called him.  He is a simple man.    I recall seeing him as a young man playing football at our church grounds, subsequently opening a small shop on our street where I used to buy bread and other things as a small boy for our family.  He used to be the protector of our village, especially in his younger days.  No outsider would venture out on to our street and do any mischief such as robbing or teasing girls during Felix ayya's heyday.  He made sure the whole Mudiyansegewatta area is safe.

This is Mario Jayasinghe, my first cousin's (Sanath) son.   Mario is like an adopted son to me.  His father  Sanath was close to me when I was a young man and used to come over and stay at my place often. Sanath died in a road accident in 2002 leaving his wife and two children with no financial support.  I stepped into help Mario with his education.  The family persevered and have recovered.  Mario continued to study well and entered University in 2011, an amazing feat.  I am proud of Mario.  Mario, his sister and his mother visited my mother, particularly when I visit my mother's home.  Mario is related to me from my father's and mother's side, his mother's maternal grandfather and my mother's mother were cousins. 

  


This is Susan, also my neighbour sister to Marie and Rani.  She is around my age.  I recall playing with her as a young kid.  During election time, she would go to election rallies and observe political speeches and play them out for us for fun.  

This is Susan's (my neighbour) husband and has been part of our neighbours since his marriage to Susan.

This is Ajith my favourite aunty's adopted son.  However, Ajith's grandfather and my mother's father are brothers.  Ajith's original circumstances were poor and he was educated and groomed by my aunt.  Ajith's loves my aunt dearly and by extension my mother.  He comes around particularly at the time of grief.  I recall how he helped around ensured that everything went well at my father's funeral.  He is one of the first to arrive at my mother's place on hearing about my mother's sudden death.  He can be trusted immensely.  He is now doing moderately well and is doing a stable job and raises his kids well.  All thanks to a generous woman, my aunty.

This is Wilfred, another neighbour on the left side of our house.    I can recall him from my 
childhood days.

This is Chandrasiri Pitigala, my neighbour opposite our house.  He and his family moved to Mudiyansegewatta about 20 years ago and he has assimilated very well to our neighbour is and well-liked.

This is Nelia Jayasinghe, my first cousin Sanath's widow.  Her maternal grandfather and my mother's grandmother are cousins as well.  She would visit my mother, particularly at times when I visit Sri Lanka.

This is Devmi, my first cousin, Chrisanthie's only daughter.  She is 16 years old.  My mother was her grand aunt.  She would visit us with her parents for the funeral and the almsgiving. She looks like a younger version of my favourite aunty.

This is Maheemi, whose the father is Kithsiri, my first cousin she is her eldest daughter.

This is Pathum, my mother's backup domestic helper, Sheila's grandson. Pathum would come home to my mother's place after school.  I would buy lunch for him and Soma's son.

I would give Pathum minor tasks to do in return for the choice to open up my mother’s coin tills and count.  Often I would ask him to take half of the till’s collection.  Pathum lives with his grandmother and calls her amma.   He is about 10 years old seemed intelligent.  As I was to leave Sri Lanka, I asked Pathum what would he like from Australia.  All he wanted was a colour pencil set.  I have bought him one and would give it to him on my next trip to Sri Lanka.  Sometimes, I wish I can help him to study as it is not easy for his grandmother to take full financial care of him.  Sheila, his grandmother has to perform domestic help duties to support Pathum.

This is Noel Liyanage, or Noel ayya as I used to call him from my young days.  He is about my age and probably one year older than me.  I met him when I was about 14 years when my aunt came back to live in Eldeniya.  My aunt was his step mum, but I recall that my aunt, showered her love to him like a son.  He too loves her like his own mother.  I recall going to his wedding with my father for two consecutive days.  He is part of our extended family although we have not been able to keep in touch with each other regularly.  I was happy to see him again and he and his family were very helpful during my mother's funeral.

This is Ronald, my brother's friend who ended up marrying my maternal grandmother's cousin's (Rosalyn Puchchie) daughter Renuka.   I recall Ronald as a young boy, travelling on the same school bus as me.  He continues to be close friends with my brother and often has been of various help to my mother.  Ronald and Renuka now run a successful bakery business and donated a large number of buns during the funeral.

This is ???? Soma, my mother's domestic helper's son.  Soma raises him with the little income she gets from her work.  My mother has known this boy ever since Soma came to work at my mother's place.  He would come and play in our garden after school while Soma finishes her work. ??? likes toy cars and I have been taking Matchbook cars for him during my recent trips to Sri Lanka.   He and Pathum (the other boy) would join up and volunteer to do any work that I give them.  It was gratifying to enjoy their company at my time of grief and be cheered by their natural happiness.  Soma is planning to send him away to a Christian children's home where he could have a better education.

This is Rose, my first cousin, Emil's wife.  They live in Eldeniya, Kadawatha, in my maternal grandfather's ancestral properties.  Rose is a teacher and is a good mother.

This is Chrisanthie, my aunt's only daughter and my first cousin.  She has been like a sister to me.  She has inherited my aunt's kindness and has brought up her kids well.  God has blessed them with adequate resources and wealth and this makes me very happy.  She was kind to everyone from her young days.  I distinctly recall when my mother became very sick following a misdiagnose and incorrect medical treatment, she immediately took her to a different doctor and ensured proper treatment.  She then took my mother home to her house and treated her until she could walk back and became good.  I am eternally grateful for this gesture.  I think I need to be grateful to my aunty.  It is not strange, how much my mother's sister has touched my life directly and indirectly.

This is Umesh Liyanage, Noel Liyanage (my aunt's step son's son).  I met him for the first time at my mother's funeral and almsgiving.  He would volunteer and help around duties at my mother's place.   All kids gather around him and they would play carom during the spare time.  Umesh attends my old school, St Benedict's College.

This is Lalith Batepola, my dear cousin Chrisanthie's husband.  My father and mother knew him from his young man-days.  I recall him riding a bike to work with Chrisanthie at the beginning of his career.  Later on, when he got a car, he would pick my father on his way to work.  Lalith's best attribute is his modesty.  Although he is doing extremely well in Sri Lanka, travelling around the globe for work and with his family for pleasure, drives a Mercedes C class car, he never shows off or pretends to be big.  I am very proud of this fact and Lalith's modesty.   His mother and father are extremely pleasant too and took time to talk to me during my time of grief.

This is Shamen, my first cousin Kithsiri's wife.  She too is part of our extended family by being part of my aunt's daughter in law.  Shamen is efficient and I recall how she gathered all of her extended family members in the kitchen during the alms giving when certain tasks have to be done to ensure smooth offering of food to the visitors.  She is the inspiration behind Kithsiri.

This is Roshitha, my first cousin Emil's youngest and only daughter.

This is Niranjan Gunathilake, a university student, who had been a boarder at our second home behind my mother's home.  Niranjan hails from a remote village and our house at the back is rented to university students on a sharing basis.  The boarders including Niranjan were extremely helpful during the funeral.  They decorated the street and took care of the heavy logistics.  My mother depended on the boarders including Niranjan for her well being and safety.

This is Dhanushka Kumara, a university student, a boarder at our second home.   My mother has known him and Dhanushka like the rest of borders, stayed up through the nights to ensure funeral logistics are complete.

This is Darshana Udawatta, the lead border from our second home.  My mother had depended on him much later on home and property logistics.  He now takes care of our two properties.  

This is Ranji, probably Ranjith Perera.  His maternal grandfather, John seeya and my maternal grandmother are cousins.  They lived about 3 homes away from my home.  His father, Aloy Perera was a good friend of my father.  His mother would have been a second cousin to my mother.  Ranji is the only family left in Sri Lanka while his siblings and parents live in New Zealand.  I recall playing cricket with Ranji and his big brother Ashley in my early years.

This is John, a villager and a handyman from Dalugama.  He came by to assist me in clearing the garden.  I tasked him to clean up the garden, remove the surplus banana trees and overall a massive clearing up.  He is a fast worker and gets results without much supervision.  Some days he brought his young son, 17 years of age to assist him.  He told me that his son does not want to become a labourer and is studying hard to the best of his son's abilities.

This is Marie Perera, who was married to Peter Perera, a cousin of maternal grandmother.  I recall visiting them at Matara when I was young.  Since then they relocated to their ancestral home in Mudiyasengewatta,  Marie was unique in our area, she was one of the first women to speak English fluently in our village.  Her daughters had been brought up well and they married well.  My mother was especially friendly with Marie and her second daughter Ranji.

This is Soma as we call her or Soma Rathnayake in the full name.  She was the day carer for my mother.  Soma is a single mother with a son who is about 10 years old.  She diligently sends him to school every day.  After leaving him at school, she comes to my mother's place and does the household chores including cooking.  My mother trusted her.  Soma was kind to my mother.  

This is Bindu, my mother's puppy dog.  He was brought in to my place about 3 months prior to my mother's passing.  I heard that Bindu used to follow my mother wherever she went.  Bindu would have been very close to my mother.  I saw Bindu's distress at the funeral, where he would walk around looking for his missing master.  He would get into his favourite seat and would keep looking.  I hope we can continue to look after him in Sri Lanka.

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo.  I found a collection of regular receipts where my mother had been making regular contributions to this institute for the upkeep of the elderly.  My own children in Australia and my sister's two sons instead of sending flowers to their grandmother's funeral, sent me Australian dollars to donate to a charity of my mother's choice.  I donated half of the collection to Home of Compassion.

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is a resident of Home of Compassion for sick destitute at Madampitiya, Colombo

This is the mother in charge of the Home of Compassion.  She is from the Carmelite order. We got a large collection of dried foods, biscuits, sweets that our neighbours, relatives and friends brought in and I donated all of those to this sister for the consumption of the home's residents.

This is Hamlet Fonseka, my good friend in the early seventies.  We became friends when we both were about 17 years old.   Hamlet was from a poor background compared to us.  However, I looked after him to the best of my finances then.  He used to visit our place regularly, stayed over.  He came to know my mother and father well and used to keep in touch.  In his young days, Hamlet was very handsome and fair.  Hamlet later life was somewhat hard due to his socio-economic background.  On hearing my mother's death, he came over to attend the funeral.

This is Antoinette akka, eldest daughter of Peter Perera (a cousin of my maternal grandmother).  She worked in Telecom Sri Lanka and married Uli Constantine. They live in Dalugama.

This is Anton Amerasinghe or Anton ayya as I used to call him.     We have to pass his home as we walk home.  He used to always chat with us and was considered an elder brother in our young days.  He is proud of his village heritage from Dalugama.

This is Rekha, my beloved younger sister.  She was the jewel of my mother's life being my mother's only daughter. In our growing years, my mother would always side with my sister if I had a fight with her. My mother would accompany her almost everywhere and wanted the very best for her.   I only lived with my sister for some 12 years (1 to 7) and (11 to 17) and when I left Sri Lanka for good in 1977, she was only seventeen at the time. I never got a chance to look after her as her only elder adult working brother since Rekha left home three months after I left Sri Lanka.  Her early married life was difficult and full of challenges and I was quite distressed about her situation.  I mourned her absence in my early young life deeply.  This was also a very difficult time for my mother and father.  My sister is now a compassionate woman, despite her difficulties has raised her four children well.  All four have gone to University and her two boys live in Australia.  Rekha now lives comfortably in one of my mother's ancestral lands in a modern house built by her children.  I love her deeply and her compassionate ways.  I still wish I could start again fresh with her as a young elder brother in much happier circumstances.

This is Maleesha, my sister's youngest daughter.  She is still at University in Sri Lanka.  Maleesha and her elder sister, Roshika along with her mother (my sister) would be regular visitors to my mother's place.  Maleesha took care of many catering logistics at my mother's funeral house.  Maleesha has a composed character and is pleasant to talk to.

This is Roshika, my sister's elder daughter.  Among my mother's granddaughters, Roshika resembles a younger version of my mother.  Tall, beautiful and straight posed.  Roshika along with her mother (my sister) would be a regular visitor to my mother's place.  Roshika took care of many logistics at my mother's funeral house.  Roshika also has a considerate and composed character which I am very proud of.

This is evergreen and cheerful uncle Shirley Stephen.  I was friendly with his sons and by association, my parents came to know Uncle Shirley and his wife, Aunty Cynthia. Uncle Shirley came to my mother's funeral.

This is Clifford Bocks, I was a good friend to his sons, starting with Keith Bocks who now lives in Perth.  Clifford became friends with my parents and often enquired about me at Dalugama church whenever he met them. 

This is my favourite teacher and mentor in my early teen years. Bro. Ignatius Lionel Warnakula.  He made a major impact in my life.  I recall at age 11 when I expressed an interest in becoming a Christian brother, how Bro Igi (as we fondly call him) inspired me and my best friend, Bertram Noel Perera, to join the juvenate. In the Juvenate in 1967 and Bro Igi was in charge of us.  I was struggling with my English at the time, he took a deep interest in and helped me to master the language in short 3 months.  I would remain grateful to Bro Igi for this throughout my life.  He took care of me and Bertram in our early teen years very well. He knew my mother through my association.   He remains an active social worker and has transformed the lives of many poor students and families and continues his charity and social work even in his retirement.

This is Publis Jayawardane, his father and my mother's father were brothers.  While my mother's father became a scholar and a school principal, Publis's father remained a farmer.  Publis is the second son of my maternal grandfather's brother.  Publis was a casual worker and a farmer throughout his life.  In his mid-life, he had a mental sickness.  I recall Publis and his younger brothers, Joseph, Michael and Francis all turning up for work when we were renovating our ancestral home in Dalugama.  

This is my father's lifelong best friend from his school days.  His name is J L Joseph Perera, also known as JLJ.  He was the best man at my mother's and father's wedding.  JLJ studied with my father at Dalugama catholic school and studied English together at Vidaya Lankara University.  He has accompanied my father on bicycles to visit my mother during their courting. JLJ also became my godfather.  I recall him gifting a rosary and a prayer book on my first holy communion.  JLJ became a top civil servant rising to senior administration positions in government service.  In the late seventies he was the head of Sri Lanka customs, He was so honest that he did not use the government car to travel home as he thought that was personal business.  He lives modestly at Nungamugoda, Kelaniya in Sri Lanka.